


the right to call this home

by argentae



Series: take me as i am-universe [3]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: (only that's a lie it's 4+1), 5+1 Things, Fluff and Angst, Isak POV, Kid Fic, M/M, Mental Health Issues, it's pretty minor though, parent!even, tiny tiny bit of angst most is fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-21 02:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12447861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentae/pseuds/argentae
Summary: “I told her about you,” Even tells Isak on a Monday night. They’ve just had dinner and Isak is lying with his head on Even’s lap, complaining about one of his professors (because what else is new).“Who?” Isak asks, furrowing his brow.Even looks down on him and raises his eyebrows, waiting for the penny to drop and—Oh.Isak sits up so quickly he almost headbutts Even’s chin.(or four times Isak is nervous about Hanna and one time he isn’t)





	the right to call this home

**Author's Note:**

> as promised!! time for isak to meet hanna! i'm v excited to be finally sharing this one with y'all. for anyone that's coming in now and hasn't read the previous stuff in this series, i recommend reading the rest before you read this one because things'll make more sense but y'know who am i to tell you what to do. 
> 
> as always with many many thanks to the kardemommefam & josie in particular for being the best beta i could ask for. thanks to julia because when i said "this is getting longer than i'd expected" she responded with "i only have good thoughts about that" and i count that as support. thank u. 
> 
> there's a scene in the last bit that resembles a scene from [we've made it this far, kid](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12208089/chapters/27725211) and i SWEAR i didn't realise until josie pointed it out to me but in all honesty my subconscious probably stole the idea from there so you should all go n read that fic too because it's amazing and beautiful and everyone deserves more kid fic in their lives amirite. 
> 
> title from north by sleeping at last.

 

**_i._ **

“I told her about you,” Even tells Isak on a Monday night. They’ve just had dinner and Isak is lying with his head on Even’s lap, complaining about one of his professors that keeps giving them dumb, mindless assignments every Friday (because what the fuck else is new).

“Who?” Isak asks, furrowing his brow.

Even looks down on him and raises his eyebrows, waiting for the penny to drop and—

_Oh._

Isak sits up so quickly he almost headbutts Even’s chin.

Something weird is happening in his stomach, and his heart is beating a bit faster. He’s not entirely sure why this is stressing him out so much. They’d talked about it last week, they’d actually been working up to this.

It’s been almost three months since they got together and things have been… they’ve been good. Really good. It’s not like a lot had changed, but at the same time Isak felt like some last barrier came down after the Big Talk (which is how Isak’s head still refers to it whenever he remembers it, capitals included), and it’s only after that Isak notices some last thing in Even unlocking. No more strange tensions. No more lost looks.

It’s been good.

So last week, when Even sat them both down and carefully proposed telling Hanna about them dating, Isak wasn’t even _that_ freaked out. Not for his standards, at least. He knew this was going to have to happen at some point and Even’s assured him that they can wait with the two of them actually meeting if Isak wasn’t comfortable yet, so all in all Isak had felt pretty all right.

Now, however… he feels like he’s just swallowed something unpleasant and it’s now stuck somewhere on the way to his stomach.

“Oh,” he manages, trying very hard not to show the panic (and very clearly _not_ succeeding). “How— what did she say?”

“Well,” Even says, “I told her I’ve been going out with a boy and that I like him very much, and she was quiet for a second, and then she asked if I kiss you on the mouth, and I said yes, and then she said “that’s gross” and then she stole the remote back from me and continued watching _The Incredibles._ So it went pretty well, I’d say.”

At this point, Isak must be looking _really_ panicked and Even seems to realise his light, joking attitude isn’t really falling well, because he manages to school his face into a more serious expression.

“That’s fine, Isak. I wasn’t really expecting her to make any kind of big statement about whether she approved of me dating anyone. She’s six. Her saying that kissing is gross is basically her giving us her blessing.”

Isak isn’t sure if the feeling in his stomach is him wanting to throw up the pasta carbonara from earlier or just the feeling of relaxation after a short period of intense stress.

Even seems to sense this, as he reaches out, laces their fingers together and carefully eases Isak’s head back onto his lap. With Even’s other hand carding fingers through his hair, he can feel his heart rate going down, slowly but surely.

“Later, when I was putting her to bed, she- she asked me some more. She wanted to see a picture of you and—”

“Which picture did you show her?”

“The one I made after we had sex.”

“ _What?_ ” Isak looks up in mortification, only to find Even looking at him with his eyebrows raised, waiting patiently for Isak to relax onto his lap again.

“I showed her the one Eskild made of us while we were hanging out with the boys at the kollektivet a while back. She was more interested in Jonas’ eyebrows than you at first but, okay. Can’t really blame her for that, I guess.”

Isak snorts.

“And then she asked if you were coming to her school play, too, and I said that I could ask, so this is me asking if you’d like to come to the play. All of the players are six years old and I think they’re supposed to be doing a version of the nativity play but like… one they made up themselves? I’m pretty sure there’s a ladybug and an aardvark in there and I’m not a hundred percent sure Jesus is so…”

He looks down at Isak. “I was thinking that maybe it would be nice? We could go to the play and she’s staying with me that night so you could stay for dinner if you feel like you’re up for that. We’ll keep it light and easy, no pressure.”

Isak stares at him for a couple of seconds. Even has this way of making things sound so easy, where Isak’s mind has this way of making things sound impossible, and right now both sides are pulling at him.

“What are you worrying about right now?” Even asks quietly when the silence lasts too long.

“You know what I’m worrying about.”

“Humour me,” Even says, fingers threading through Isak’s hair again in slow motions.

Isak sighs dramatically.

“I’m just- I’m afraid she’s not going to like me and then we’re going to be over and I don’t want that,” he rushes. “And I know, I know what you’re going to say about bla bla bla why wouldn’t she like me, but I think you’re really not one to judge this particular thing because you know what, Even? Many people don’t like me. _Faen,_ I don’t even like me! I’m very grumpy and messy and I don’t know how to socialise with people. And also, problem number two, I don’t know how children work? How am I supposed to-”

“Baby, hey, sit up and look at me,” Even interrupts him gently. Isak does and it’s only now that he notices how fast his heart is beating again, only when he feels Even’s cool hand in his neck that he realises how hot he was getting. “Many people do like you.”

“Even, that’s not the-”

Even shushes him.

“Many people do like you. Jonas and Eva love you, Mikael keeps talking to me about how smart he thinks you are, Eskild doesn’t say he thinks you’re grumpy without in the same breath also mentioning how proud he is of you. I _love_ you and I’m _so_ not an exception. I’ll call all of your friends and they’re gonna be here to reassure you in a heartbeat. People don’t _put up with you_. Sure, sometimes you’re grumpy and messy but you’re also really fucking funny and smart. I love you a lot for everything that you are, including the dirty dishes and the times you hit me over the head with a pillow when I’m awake too early for your liking.

“And it’s normal that you’re nervous about this, okay? I’m nervous too. And Hanna is going to be nervous too, no matter how flippant she’s acting. All of that’s fine.”

They look at each other for a while.

“She comes first,” Isak says, and there’s no contempt in his voice. It’s just a statement, and Even acknowledges it with a calm nod. His fingers trail Isak’s jaw, his eyes not leaving Isak’s for a second.

“She comes first. But you’re important to me, too. I’m not going toss you aside just like that, okay? So let’s just take it one step at a time. Not worry about stuff we can’t predict or influence now.”

His hand settles in Isak’s nape and leans in, his nose brushing Isak’s, foreheads touching.

“One step at a time,” Isak echoes, taking a deep breath. He tilts his chin up to meet Even for a kiss.

Some of the worry in his chest settles down.

 

 

_**ii.** _

“You good?” Even asks, though Isak thinks if the way his hand is crushing Even’s is anything to go by, Even knows the answer already.

There’s parents and children darting all around them and Even is trying to find them a spot near the sides of the hall until he spots Sonja sitting, her coat and bag strategically thrown over the chairs next to her.

“Come on,” he says, pointing.

Isak freezes. Meeting Hanna is one thing, meeting Sonja on the same night is something else. He knows that she doesn’t care about Even dating again, and she doesn’t care about Even dating _him_ and she’s fine with him meeting Hanna and it’s all supposed to be _fine_ and yet.

“Does it help if I promise you she’s not going to bite you? Neither literally nor figuratively.”

Isak glares at him and Even turns around so he’s facing Isak. “If you feel like not doing it after all, you’re allowed to go. But I’d like you to be here. And Hanna insisted on making a calendar to countdown the days until she met you.”

“But she made one for the play already?” Isak mumbles, frowning. Even likes the way he sounds genuinely confused.  “That’s the same day. Why not just make one?”

“If you make two calendars you can cross two days off every time.”

Isak is quiet for a moment as he considers that. “Yeah, okay.”

“Anyway, she doesn’t just make calendars for anything.”

“Well—”

“Isak.”

Isak shuts up, forces himself to meet Even’s gaze. There’s no judgement there and no disappointment. There’s just calm. In the back of his mind, Isak realises that it’s very possible Even might be freaking out right now too, that however nerve-wrecking this is for Isak, Even wants this to go well just as badly as he does, and that he’s just pretending to be all right for Isak’s sake.

So finally, Isak takes a deep breath and nods. “Okay. Okay, let’s do this.”

Sonja smiles when she sees them and takes away her coat and bag so they can sit.

“She’s been so excited about this and about you, I think she’s barely slept a full night all week,” she tells Isak, leaning forward so she can talk around Even, who has picked up one of the very clearly handcrafted playbills they got handed when they entered.

“Hey look,” Even nudges Isak, “you’ve barely slept a whole night this week either, the two of you are already bonding.”

Isak huffs and is about to shoot back something smart and witty but before he can come up with something, the lights go down and everyone is shushing everyone else.

The play is… something. Isak thinks that if he hadn’t been told it was supposed to be a version of the nativity play, it definitely wouldn’t have been his first guess. Half of the lines seem to improvised on the spot, and at some point the aardvark starts giggling and _can’t stop giggling_ until one half of the camel pushes him off the stage.

When it ends, chaos ensues as all parents try to get to their children as fast as possible and all the children run around on their adrenaline rush, so it takes a while for Hanna to find them. All the while, Even is rubbing the back of Isak’s hand and Isak is trying to be chill but it’s just… not really working.

“I’m gonna quickly go to the bathroom, okay?”

Even looks at him calculatingly for a second, like he isn’t quite sure whether to let Isak go.

“It’s fine. I’m gonna get a breather, I’ll be right back. I promise,” he assures Even, squeezing the hand that’s still holding his shortly before letting go.

“Text me if you need me to come, okay?”

Isak nods, then turns and leaves the crowd behind. The rest of the halls are mostly empty. There’s children’s paintings hanging on the walls and the windows. When he peeks into one of the classrooms, the only witness is a big stuffed bear sitting in the teacher’s chair.

It’s funny how quiet it is here, how quickly the noise is gone and replaced by silence. He finds bathrooms not made for six-year-olds after turning a couple of corners and hauls up in there, turning on the faucet to let the cold water run over his hands and trying to get his heartrate to go down.

Deep breaths. He wants to leave and he wants to go back in. Staring at himself in the mirror, alone, the anxiety threatens to drown him for a moment, but underneath it he knows something else is buzzing in his chest as well. It’s excitement. The anxiety is doing a great job of burying it, but it’s there as well. There’s an excitement that comes with being trusted with this, with knowing that he’s being allowed further and further into Even’s life because Even _wants_ him there.

And Isak knows he wants to be here. He doesn’t want this stupid fucking anxiety to hold him back from this.

One more deep breath. He turns the faucet off. Dries his hands. Gives himself one last look in the mirror before following the noise back.

He spots them immediately. He can’t see Hanna’s yet, not really, because Even is carrying her and her face is buried in his neck during what seems like a very intense hug. Sonja is saying something he can’t hear, but it makes all of them laugh.

Isak licks his lips as Even spots him, lighting up with a smile when their eyes meet.

 _Moment of truth_.

“You know what I thought was particularly well done?” he can hear Even say as he approaches the three of them. “The waterlilies on the pond. That was really some great craftsmanship. Beautifully folded!”

“But _you_ made those!” Hanna laughs.

“Did I? Really? Wow, I must be really creative.”

“No, I had to _teach_ you, you kept doing it all wrong and then I had to explain it to you for the millionest time,” she corrects him.

“Hmm…” Even hums with a nod. “You see, I can’t remember that at all.”

“But it’s true! I have a better memory than you, because you’re _old_.”

Isak can’t stop himself from snorting at that and Even’s eyes shoot to him for a moment, eyebrows raised.

“Hey, I want to introduce you to someone,” Even says, and Isak’s stomach turns around but he keeps standing where he’s standing and tried to relax his shoulders as Even puts Hanna down.

The moment she turns around Isak mind decides to stop functioning for a moment because sure, he has seen pictures of her before. But seeing her here, in real life, smiling so brightly, that’s different. If there had ever been any doubt in anyone’s mind that this was Even’s daughter it would have been gone the second they saw her eyes crinkle.

The smile fades a little as she looks at Isak, her hand seeking out Even’s without looking, but her eyes are still bright. She seems on the verge of saying something, and yet she holds back.

“Hanna, this is Isak,” Even says officially. “And Isak, meet Norway’s next best actor and/or stage manager. Sometimes we also call her Hanna.”

“It’s really nice to meet you,” Isak says, and it feels like he’s never said those words before.

She doesn’t reply, only keeps looking at him with those bright eyes as she presses herself into Even’s side. Isak wants to start worrying but his anxiety loses track when Even sinks down so he’s on eye-level with Hanna. He doesn’t seem worried at all. Instead, there seems to be this calm radiating off him.

Something in Isak wonders if it’s because there comes relief with having faced this moment, with having both Isak and Hanna in the same room and finally meeting in the middle of the mess they went through to get here.

“Have you just been attacked by a bit of nerves?” Even asks Hanna.

She nods, eyes flickering from Even to Isak and back to Even.

“That’s okay. Want to know who’s also nervous?” Even asks, poking her in the side playfully and then pointing at Isak.

She squints, looking back at Isak like she’s trying to figure out whether that’s true. Isak nods quickly.

“But he’s like… grown up?” she stage-whispers skeptically.

“He is. Kind of,” Even adds and Isak rolls his eyes. “Grownups can be nervous too. We’re all just doing our best to be brave.”

She seems to be taking that in for a moment, but then she turns to Isak, the expression on her face extremely serious.

“It’s okay that you’re nervous. Grownups can be nervous too, and that’s okay,” she explains solemnly and Isak isn’t sure what’s happening exactly but part of him wants to cry a little at the sincerity in her tone and part of him wants to laugh at the fact that this six-year-old telling him his anxiety is okay is _actually helping relieve the anxiety a bit._

“Thank you,” he tells her in the end, making sure to make it sound as sincere as possible in return.

That seems to satisfy her.

“Now, how about actually saying hi to Isak? I promise you he’s like, the least scary person I’ve ever met.”

“Less scary than Mikael?” she asks doubtfully, looking Isak up and down.

“Well… just as not-scary,” Even amends.

“Fine,” she says, dragging out the vowel as she turns to Isak and reaches out her hand. It takes him a second to respond and take it, surprised by this sudden turn of events. “Hi, I’m Hanna.”

“Hi Hanna,” he says, shaking her hand. It’s small but her grip is firm for such a small human being. “I’m Isak. I liked your play.”

“What did you like best? Don’t say the waterlilies!” she warns him.

“I liked the bit with the, um, the ghost?” he says, eyes flicking to Even for a moment before returning to Hanna. “That was really funny.”

There it is, that bright-eyed smile again. “ _I_ was the ghost!”

And, well, yeah. Isak knew that, because Even had told him beforehand and he’d been preparing this moment all along because it had seemed like a good way to get into her good graces.

But, to be completely fair to Hanna, the ghost bit was actually pretty funny - at first she kept being scared by all the other characters but in the final scene she hops on the stage in the middle of a big dramatic scene between the camel and the ant, all of a sudden scaring everyone to get back at them.

“Really?” he says and she nods emphatically. “You were super good. I always forgot all of my lines when I was in the school play and then my friend Jonas had to whisper them to me, but you knew them all by heart, right?”

“She practiced every day,” Even says proudly, finally getting up from his squat. “Hey, do you want to show us the stage from up close? I’m really curious about those waterlilies I supposedly messed up. And you can show Isak all the things we painted.”

“Yes!” she says, grabbing Even’s hand with one of hers. She looks around for Sonja, who had been talking to one of other kids’ parents next to them, then grabs her hand as well.

Before she can walk away though, Hanna freezes, looks at her two hands, the people attached to them, and then at Isak.

“I don’t have enough hands,” she tells Isak sadly, but before Isak can tell her it’s fine, he can walk on his own, she nudges Even in the side with her elbow. “Pappa, you need to get Isak’s hand. So we’re all together still.”

“Great plan,” Even agrees, reaching out his hand to Isak with a smile. Isak takes it, quietly revering in the fact that that just _happened_ and the world is still turning.

Even must be able to see the relief on his face because he squeezes Isak’s hand, pulls him closer and mumbles, “I’m really proud of you.” before pressing a quick kiss to Isak’s cheek.

Isak only stares at him in awe for a moment before their moment is interrupted by the both of them being pulled along towards the stage, Hanna enthusiastically telling Isak about how they got to cut into an old sheet and paint it to make her ghost costume.

But they’re fine. It feels like they’ve past a hurdle just now. He met Hanna and she doesn’t hate him and his world didn’t implode. And that may not be everything but it’s something. It’s definitely something.  

 

**_iii._ **

_[even] we’re at the maze already_

_[even] let me know when you get here!!_

**even there are a lot of people here give me more details**

_[even] hanna is wearing that coat that makes her look like a firetruck_

**ok**

The world looks like winter. That might be because it is winter and it’s been snowing for the past couple of days, but it’s been snowing enough for everything to actually stay white instead of turning into grey mush.

While Isak isn’t generally a fan of big, loud crowds, he actually likes the winter festival. It’s filled with happiness and light and he’s already looking forward to his first cup of hot glogg, preferably alcoholic. The business is actually not too bad today, seeing as it’s Thursday morning and they’re only here now because Hanna’s school decided that the lower classes were off for the day.

He spots them — Hanna’s coat does make her stand out very clearly — and waits, watches from the distance for a minute. She looks like she’s trying desperately to push him over, boots slipping in the snow as she presses her hands against his stomach, but Even is standing strong, looking increasingly more amused.

In the end, she gives up and throws a handful of snow in his face and starts laughing uncontrollably at his stunned face.

Isak smirks, pushes his hands a little further in his pockets, and starts making his way over to him.

Hanna spots him first.

“Isak!” she points, which in turn makes Even look up and smile at him.

“Halla,” Even says with a smile.

He reaches out to Isak, pulls him closer to press a quick kiss to Isak’s cheek.

“Isak, we’re gonna to do a race and the first one that gets to the center of the maze wins!” she announces.

He’s come to appreciate the way that you jump into conversation when you’re with her. There is no time for pleasantries in the busy life of a six-year-old.

“Sounds good,” he tells her with a single nod. “I love mazes.”

“Okay, we all gotta go different directions,” Hanna says, already turned around to make her way to the entrance of the maze when Even grabs her by the shoulders and gently turns her back around.

“Wait wait wait wait, I don’t know if it’s a great plan that we all go alone.”

“Why?” she frowns.

“Because…” Even looks like he wants to say _you’re six, I don’t think you’re ready to get lost on your own_ but he ends up going with, “what if any of us got lost and that person would be all alone? That doesn’t sound very fun, right? I mean, I get that _you_ might be so good at mazes that you wouldn’t get lost but Isak and I…”

She looks at the both of them for a moment, nose scrunched up, like she’s considering that, and then she lets out a deep, dramatic sigh.

“Okay then,” she relents, “then we gotta pick teams.”

Isak wants to point out that there’s only three of them so there’s not really a lot to pick, but Even speaks up before he can say anything.

“Can we not just all go together?”

“No, because then it wouldn’t be a race,” she replies, rolling her eyes at Even.

Even, in turn, tries exchanging conspiratorial glances with Isak but Isak just shrugs. “She’s kind of right. If we all go together it’s not a race.”

“We could race the clock,” Even tries helplessly, but he knows he’s already lost.  

“I pick Isak!” Hanna’s lightning fast hopping from Even’s to Isak’s side, now grabbing hold of his hand.

And — wait, hold up, that hadn’t been the plan. Isak had simply assumed she’d join Even and that would be that but suddenly she’s there and looking immensely smug. Now, it’s Isak’s turn to look at Even for help, but Even is raising his eyebrows at his daughter in equal disbelief.

“Excuse me? You’re just going to leave me alone?”

“You always say Isak is really smart!” she argues. “And you _always_ get lost.”

“That was one time!”

“Two!”

“Well—”

“Isak _never_ gets lost because he’s a _scientist_. Right?”

She looks up at Isak expectantly, who feels slightly like he’s under attack now that he’s suddenly being spoken to.

Ever since Even explained to Hanna that Isak is really smart and that he’s a scientist that studies animals and plants (which is not really true but he understands that the term microbiology probably doesn’t mean a lot to Hanna) she seems to believe that he knows a lot about _everything_. To be completely fair, Isak doesn’t get lost often but that might just be because he hardly ever goes to new places and definitely never without Google Maps so, yeah.

“Uh…”

Hanna, however, seems to take his silence as agreement because she smiles sweetly at her father, who simply shakes his head in mock-disapproval.

“But doesn’t the fact that I always get lost mean that you _should_ be going with me? I’ll definitely get lost in a maze!”

“Well—” Hanna looks from Even to Isak for a moment as she seems to hesitate. “We’ll just come look for you if you get lost. Scream if you get lost and then we’ll find you. Okay? Now can we _please_ go?”

Which is how Isak finds himself lead through a maze by a girl half his size, after exchanging a slightly panicked look with Even, who had shrugged but in the end looked more amused than worried.

They’ve now been walking in silence for fifteen, sixteen, seventeen seconds and Isak _does not know_ what to say to her. They make a wrong turn and walk into a dead end, but Hanna doesn’t seem deterred at all. She seems perfectly content dragging him along, snow crunching underneath their feet.

At some point, though, the silence gets on Isak’s nerves.

“So,” he forces out, “what’d you do at school yesterday?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs.

Cool. That doesn’t help. At all.

“Okay, uh. What do you like to do at school?”

“I like maths! I’m learning to do plus and minus now. You should gimme something to calculate!”

They’re standing at another split in the road and Hanna takes a second to decide whether to go left or right, but then decides to go for left. Isak wants to suggest going right, since they’ve already gone left twice and that doesn’t seem like the best way to get to the middle of maze, but Hanna’s already mentally moved on.

“C’mon, something to calculate,” she prompts.

Fine. Isak can do calculations. He’s the master of calculations.

“Okay,” he says. “Okay, eh. What’s five plus three?”

“Easy! That’s eight. I can do bigger numbers too! I know ten plus ten makes twenty.”

“Do you know what a hundred plus a hundred makes too, then?”

She halts, brows furrowed as she shoots a look back at him.

“Those are big numbers, I haven’t done those yet.”

“But you know what’s cool?” Isak says as he carefully pulls her into the right path. “It’s the same as with ten plus ten, only there’s some extra zeroes but zeroes don’t mean anything anyway.”

Her frown only increases after that and Isak realises that telling six-year-olds that symbolic systems like numbers are a social construct and nothing is real anyway might not be the best way to handle this.

“Okay, wait.”

She stops walking so abruptly he almost walks into her. When he squats so he can draw in the snow, she follows immediately, grasping his arm to keep her balance.

“So we have one plus one, right?”

He writes the sum down, and right under it follows up with ten plus ten.

“So there’s just an extra zero after every number, you see? And so when we do hundred plus hundred,” and he writes the third sum down. “We add two zeroes behind the ones, and we add two zeroes to the two. So one hundred plus one hundred makes two hundred.”

Hanna’s quiet for a moment as her eyes trail the numbers he’s just written down. Her one small, gloved hand is still clasped onto his arm.

“Wow.”

“Cool, right?” he says.

“So cool.”

She meets his gaze as the grin on her face grows and Isak is momentarily bummed that there’s no one here to witness this comment give him a pat on the shoulder for doing maths with a kid and having her actually enjoy it. Also, it’s his boyfriend’s kid and they may, dare he think it, be bonding. Over maths.

As they stand up straight again, Isak’s phone buzzes. He pulls it out of his pocket only to find a text from Even.

 

_[even] i made it_

_[even] where are you two?_

**it’s a maze even i don’t know where we are**

_[even] i won!!!_

**even**

_[even] okay i’m gonna go hide around a corner let me know when you’re here so i can dramatically come in after you_

_[even] but you better get here soon or i’m drinking all the glogg myself_

**don’t you dare**

“Who’s that?”

“Your dad. He’s, uh, saying he’s a little lost, so if we think smart now we can totally win.”

“Yes!” she says, skipping a couple of steps.

When they come to the next split in the road and he waits patiently for her to decide which way they’re going next. Hanna pulls on his arm once to get his attention.

“What way do you think?”

Isak, who can actually peek through one of the hedges and see the middle, pretends to think about the decision because he’s come to understand that Hanna believes good decisions are made when one thinks long and hard on them. Which, he supposes, might be even true in some cases.

“That one,” he replies, pointing at the right one.

She finds his hand again, the soft wool of her hedgehog mittens wrapping around his cold fingers, and pulls him along.

Sure enough, one corner later, they’re standing in the middle of the maze, which is usually just an open spot but for the sake of the holidays has been decorated with a christmas tree, tons of lights and even a small cabin from which two girls are selling hot beverages.

Hanna scans the other people sitting on some of the benches.

“We won!” she cheers.

“Yeah, we did,” he says.

She high fives Isak before going off to join a small group of kids that are playing tag. Isak texts Even to wait another minute or so before appearing. Even tells him to get the glogg ready.

Isak is actually in line to get some when Hanna’s voice peeks out above the laughing children. “Pappa!”

When Isak turns around, she’s running at Even, who catches her and lifts her up, making his way to Isak as Hanna declares, “We _won_! Isak said you got lost.”

“Did he now?” Even says, raising his eyebrows at Isak, who merely shrugs.

“Yes! Pappa, I know what a hundred plus a hundred is!”

“Really? Tell me.”

“It’s two hundred,” she answers earnestly.

“Wow. Those are really big numbers,” Even says, and Isak just knows the impressed and proud tone in his voice isn’t even faked. Even is so genuinely, deeply invested in everything that Hanna does and while Isak _knows_ this, rationally, because she’s his daughter and _of course he’s interested_ , it’s really captivating to see happen. “Did you learn that at school too?”

“No,” she shakes her head, halfway turning in Even’s arms so she can point at Isak. “Isak taught me!”

“He did? Is he a good teacher?”

“He is!”

“Well—” Isak shrugs, averting his gaze, suddenly feeling a little self conscious.

When he looks back to meet Even’s eye, Even is looking at him with this smile that still makes Isak feel like his heart is doing silly things in his chest.

Hanna wrestles out of Even’s grip and is off again, yelling “call me when the chocolate milk is here!” over her shoulder before joining the other kids.

Even steps closer, wrapping an arm around Isak’s waist. Isak’s hand curls around Even’s hip as Even pecks his lips, staying close afterwards, holding Isak’s gaze.

“Halla.”

“Halla,” Isak breathes.

“You did really well just now, you know that?” Even says, a small smiling playing around his lips.

Isak hopes his cheeks are already red enough from the cold so the blush he feels rising won’t be so obvious.

“I just— that wasn’t anything special. You don’t have to pretend that it is a big deal just because I got nervous about it. I get nervous about a lot of things.”

“Isak, I’m not making a big deal out of nothing. I’m just telling you, you did that. I know you were nervous and it seems like you had an okay time anyway. I’m happy.”

“I’m happy too.”

“She was really looking forward to spending time with you again.”

“She said that?” Isak can’t help but feel a little silly for how hopeful his voice sounds.

Even nods, brushing their noses together as he does so. “Yep.”

“Cool.”

He feels Even’s huffed laugh more than he hears it above the sudden yelling of children behind them. “Cool?”

“Shut up, Even,” Isak mutters, pretending to be annoyed as he pushes lightly against Even’s chest.

“Cool,” Even says delightedly as he wraps his arm around Isak’s side and presses a series of kisses to Isak’s cheek.

“Hei,” Isak says promptly as he steps forward to one of the girls in the cabin, effectively ignoring Even laughing beside him. “Can I get two cups of glogg and one hot chocolate milk?”

 

_**iv.** _

Even isn’t feeling well. The up hadn’t been very high and now the down isn’t too low, but it’s still caused him to spend most of the past days in bed.

Isak was surprised by the oiled machine that was set into motion the moment he noticed something was up. He talked to Even and then to Sonja and to Even’s parents and they immediately arranged a new plan of care for Hanna for the coming time, switching up pick-up schedules, contacting nannies and calling Even’s work.

He knows, rationally this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. They all know how to deal with this, but just the amount of unconditional support and readiness to take over where needed still catches him off guard, just a little bit.

Staring at the kettle, Isak allows himself ten seconds to feel guilty over his mum. He counts the seconds in his head, and after, he closes the mental door on it and grabs two mugs from one of the kitchen cabinet. He has spent a lot of his time feeling guilty and he knows in most cases it doesn’t really help anyone. Things with his mum are better. He’s been working on it.

He’s been spending the past days at Even’s place. Eskild’s already texted a ten times to say that he misses Isak’s mess at home, but quickly follows up every second message with an inquiry as to how Even’s doing.

And even though Isak knows there isn’t anything big he can do for Even now, he still thinks the mere fact that he’s a solid presence by Even’s side makes a difference.

Yesterday was a good day. He convinced Even to go for a short walk around the block together when he came back from his last Friday class, and afterwards they watched a movie and fell asleep on the couch, legs tangled together, Even’s head on Isak’s chest.

Today is a little less good and that’s okay. It means Isak makes sure there’s a steady supply of tea and toast, and that he’s mostly been working on an assignment that’s due next week either sitting at the kitchen table or in bed next to Even.

He knows he’s prone to talking (or complaining) to himself when it comes to assignments and he hadn’t actually bothered to care much until he noticed Even staring up at him at some point.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Even’s voice had sounded a little rough as he shuffled closer, curling a little further into Isak’s side. “Keep talking.”

So Isak does and in his head that’s now also referred to as the afternoon he got over his self-consciousness in the name of love.

All in all, Isak feels like they’re doing pretty well together, three days in.

Until he gets a phone call.

It’s Sonja, which isn’t too weird, he tells himself, she probably just wants to ask how things are going. So he carefully moves his laptop from his lap to the bed and pads out of the room so as to not wake Even, picking up the phone.

“Hey, Isak,” she sounds relieved.

“Hei,” he replies quietly.

“I’m — shit, I’m really sorry that I’m calling you for this. I was supposed to be off today to take care of Hanna, but work called in last minute, something happened and I need to go over there, and I tried my parents and the babysitter and Even’s parents but they’re all busy or sick or—”

It’s taken Isak a moment to catch onto what’s happening, to what’s being asked of him.  

“I’m really sorry to be asking this of you but could you please watch Hanna for the rest of the afternoon, and possibly the evening? I know you’ve not… I know you haven’t done this before and I’d understand if you don’t want to but I just…” her voice trails off and Isak can almost feel her stress through the phone (or maybe it’s his own, catching up with him as he slowly realises what he’s about to say yes to).

“Ja, sure. I can do that. Sure.”

 _Can you, though_ ? _Can you really?_ a small voice in the back of his head asks, but he does his very best to stash it in the mental cupboard where the rest of his anxieties reside.

Half an hour later, he finds himself pacing through the hallway because he can’t sit still anymore. He knows, rationally, that this is not going to be the end of the world. Hanna probably knows this house better than he does, and she’s a human capable of communicating (probably better than he is) so this isn’t a Problem. It shouldn’t be.

There’s a knock on the door and Isak steels himself.

“Isak!” Hanna shout-whispers, wrapping her arms around him the second he opens the door and well — that’s a first. His mind halts for a moment as he registers what’s happening and returns the gesture, awkwardly patting her shoulder. She doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest.

“Thank you so much.” Sonja kind of looks like she wants to hug him too. “I’m so sorry. This sort of stuff literally happens once a year and of course it just had to be today.”

“It’s fine,” Isak says, and it comes out as smoothly as when he’d practiced. “This stuff  happens.”

“You can just let her do whatever she wants. She knows what’s going on with Even, so if she asks how he’s doing just be honest. She knows not to go barging into his room or anything, and you can just let her watch movies all afternoon if that’s what she wants and what’s easiest for you. Don’t worry about that.”

Isak nods. That sounds… doable. He’s seen Even do this. He’s spent his fair share of hours with Hanna and Even. This should be fine.

“I’m not sure how long I’ll be stuck there, it might be until late, I’ll let you know as soon as I can, all right? Thank you so, so much. You’re a lifesaver,” she tells him before hurrying back outside.

And well, Isak doesn’t know about that but there isn’t a lot of time to be thinking about it, because Hanna has already moved past him and is now taking off her coat and neatly hanging it on one of the coat hangers located on Hanna-height, as Even likes to call it.

“How are you doing?”

“Good! I was drawing at mamma’s place when her work called but I took the drawing so I can finish it here. It’s of the seals. I learned about seals yesterday! Did you know that there are seals that are five meters long? That’s like… longer than pappa.”

“It is.” Isak answers dumbfounded. “You learned about that in school?”

“Yes! We had to pick out a small book about an animal to practice reading and I picked the seals and I read it all by myself. Is pappa asleep?”

“I’m not sure. But he’s in bed,” Isak adds.

“Is it okay if I say hi? I promise I can be quiet.”

She looks at him with the most serious face and suddenly Isak gets all those times Even talked about how terribly grown up she can seem sometimes.

“Sure, of course.”

Isak follows her as she pads her way to Even’s room, carefully pushing the door open a little further but stopping before it creeks.

Even is awake, his eyes following Hanna as she walks across the room and climbs on the bed. She presses a kiss against his cheek before lying down on her side so she can look Even in the eye. In the quiet of the room, Isak can just pick up on their hushed conversation.

“Hei pappa.”

“Halla.” Isak can hear the fondness in Even’s voice despite the low tone.

“Mamma had to go to work so now I’m here and Isak is gonna take care of me. And I’m gonna finish my drawing of the seals for you, okay?”

Even trails a hand across her hair. “Sounds good, _kjære_.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go finish the drawing now. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Hanna presses another kiss to his nose before she climbs off the bed again and grabs Isak’s hand on her way out of the room, carefully closing the door behind her. Isak can just see Even’s small smile

“You want to help with my drawing?”

Isak hasn’t picked up a crayon in years but he thinks he doesn’t really have a choice so he nods and follows her back into the living room.

—

Sonja calls him around six, while Isak is stirring in the pasta sauce, letting him know that her workplace is still a complete mess and she won’t be able to swing by and pick Hanna up until later in the evening.

At the moment, Hanna is snacking on a carrot, sitting on the counter and looking pretty content and not like she hates spending time with Isak, so he tells Sonja it’s all good, just let him know around when she’ll be here later.

“Was that mamma?”

“Yep. Still stuck at work.”

“Stupid work.”

Isak snorts. “Yeah, stupid work.”

Somewhere along the afternoon, it feels like part of Isak’s anxiety has ebbed away. He’s not sure when it happened, whether it was the drawing they bonded over or whether it’s the fact that Hanna’s actually really good at keeping up a conversation, even if Isak’s nerves don’t allow him the same courtesy. She doesn’t mind that his answers are a little late or a little short or a little of both, she isn’t discourages but just keeps a steady stream of questions and stories coming.

At some point, as he’s drawing a coral for the seascape to the best of his art-abilities (which, to be fair, aren’t anything to write home about), he takes a moment to reflect on how much more eventful her life is than his, and she’s _six_. She’s not even able to go places on her own and yet he’s just been told the basically greek tragedy that played out in her grade last week (only it didn’t end with death but with scraped knees and tears).

It’s surprisingly fun. She’s funny, and at first he assumes it’s just because she’s saying things that don’t quite make sense when you’re not six anymore but at some point, when he watches her grin proudly after she teased another laugh out of him, he realises she might be doing it on purpose, that she might be very aware of how to make people happy.

So yeah. They’ve been bonding, and now she’s helping him cook, which basically means she eats carrots and stirs in the sauce every now and then but he doesn’t really mind. It’s only pasta and honestly, he’ll just be happy if it comes out eatable like Even’s taught him.

“Are you sad that pappa isn’t happy right now?”

Isak looks up from the pan. Hanna’s legs are still softly kicking against the counter, and she’s looking at him with this open expression. She hasn’t made a note of Even’s situation all afternoon, except for when she asked whether she could go say hi when she got to the apartment. For a moment he’s not sure how to respond, but then he remembers Sonja telling him to just be honest, so that what he tries.  

“I’m not sad, really. But… I wish he would feel better.”

“Yeah, me too,” Hanna nods. “But it’s okay. Everyone has bad or sad days, even grownups.”

“That’s true.”

“Pappa always says that we just have to be extra nice and extra cool when he’s not here to be nice and cool with us.”

Isak can’t help but let a smile spread across his face when she tells him that, her voice showing no sign of teasing.

“Nice and cool?”

“Yep.”

“Okay. I think we can do that. Right?”

Isak looks up at her, only to find Hanna nodding enthusiastically at him.

“I mean, we just made this super cool pasta together!”

“Pasta isn’t cool,” she giggles.

“It’s not?”

“No, pasta’s hot, silly!”

Isak huffs out a laugh. “You’re right, of course. So… what’s cool?”

She takes a couple of seconds to think about that, tapping her lips with a finger for effect so he knows she’s about to come up with something good, when she says, “Having dinner on the couch and watching tv is cool.”

Isak has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing. “Really? Well, guess we’ll just have to do that then. I’m just gonna go ask your dad whether he wants some of our super hot pasta, and you can pick out what we’re gonna watch, okay?”

He helps her clamber off the counter and when he comes back from bringing Even some pasta, she’s already set up on the couch, the _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ theme playing over the speakers.

When he sits down with two plates of pasta, she immediately shuffles closer to him and carefully covers his lap with part of the blanket she’s already wrapped herself into. She digs in immediately and her delighted _yum_ when she takes the first bite makes him light up inside.

—

Later, when he gets a text from Sonja saying she’s on her way, Isak allows himself a moment of self reflection (not too long, mind you, he can’t be having a full on breakdown when she comes in). He hasn’t moved for the past half hour because Hanna fell asleep leaning against his shoulder and he doesn’t want to wake her, and since the remote is on _her_ side of the couch he can’t grab it and stop the endless episode of _Avatar_ playing.

He thinks it’s probably a little silly that he feels as proud of himself as he does, knowing that he was with Hanna all afternoon and she seemed to actually enjoy it.

The fear that she wouldn’t like him at all has faded since that first meeting, and yet every time he’s felt nervous, like he could fall out of her good graces with a single misstep.

Maybe today he realised that the whole thing isn’t that scary. Hanna is Even’s daughter and she’s also just a six-year-old and she’s also just a girl. She’s funny and she likes pasta and animals and she thinks it’s cool when Isak tells her science facts (and he won’t run out of those any time soon).

Sometimes she so clearly reminds him of Even and sometimes she is just this entirely different person altogether and maybe today was the first time he allowed himself to really see that part as well.

He feels something warm pleasantly in his chest when he dares to look to his side and finds her asleep, mouth half open, hugging his left arm with both of hers.

It means something that she lets herself fall asleep with him without a second guess.

He wants to believe that that means something.

He texts Sonja to let herself in (he knows she has a key for emergencies) and when he hears her feet in the hallway he looks up from his nth game of Pong, he looks up, only to find her smiling in doorway.

“Did everything go all right?” she asks, quietly, as she grabs Hanna’s bag and takes a quick look at the finished drawing, complete with _For Pappa_ written on it in awkward cursive. She’d wanted to give it to Even but when she saw he was asleep she made Isak pinky promise he would do the honours on her behalf.

“Yeah, I think so,” he breathes, and it’s nice to notice he actually believes that himself.

“Thank you so much, again. My next option would have been some friends but I know she doesn’t like staying with people she doesn’t know very well, and she really likes you so I just… thought I’d give it a shot.”

“It’s fine,” Isak says, and he wonders if it shows that the warmth in his chest feels like it just doubled in intensity. “We had fun.”

“Good.”

Slowly, Sonja lifts Hanna of the couch. Almost automatically, Hanna wraps her arms around her mother’s neck and rests her head on Sonja’s shoulder.

Isak gets up to let them both out. Hanna eyes him sleepily over her mother’s shoulder.

“Bye Isak,” she mutters, one hand waving weakly before her eyes close again.

 

**_+1_ **

Something is poking Isak in the arm and he sleepily swats at it with his other hand. He’s just about to turn on his other side and do a really good job of ignoring the rest of the world for another hour or so when he hears it.

“Isak!”

There’s only one person this bad at stage whispering in this apartment.

“Hmpf,” he groans as he feels small fingers poke at his cheeks.

“I want you to make me pancakes. The ones with the blueberries.”

“I can’t make pancakes. Don’t know where you got that idea.”

“You made them last time!”

“Nope, can’t have been me.”

“Yes, it was,” she says stubbornly.

Isak opens one eye to find Hanna lying on her side wedged in between him and Even. She’s still in her pyjamas and he can see her hair is an absolute mess, even if the only light that’s coming into the room is from the dawn outside.

“I can’t make pancakes when it’s dark outside. It’s still time to sleep,” he declares, closing his eyes again.

“But I’m awake!”

“Try to sleep for a little more, then.”

It’s quiet for a beautiful 8 seconds before, “I can’t sleep anymore. I’m _awake_.”

“Yeah, Isak, she’s awake,” Even grumbles lowly from Hanna’s other side and Isak glares at him even if he knows Even can’t see it.

Suddenly, he feels something prick him in the cheek and then in the ear. With his eyes still stubbornly closed, it takes him a second to understand what’s going on but after another hit-and-miss he realises Hanna is trying to put his glasses on his face, only it’s not working very well since he’s still lying on his one ear. With a little bit of wrenching and poking (and Isak lifting his head up from the pillow a little) she gets the job done though.

“Look, now you can see me,” she says and he wants to point out that he’s nearsighted anyway but then decides it’s too early to explain eye-science (because he just _knows_ that’s what that comment would inevitably lead to). “Please?”

He slowly opens both his eyes this time only to find her with both her hands clenched together, staring up at him with big eyes because she seems to think that’s gonna help convince him to leave the warm safety of the bed. And fuck it, it does.

“Fine. Yes, I’m awake, I’m up, let’s go,” he says, throwing the sheets off him as Hanna scrambles to get off the bed and get to the kitchen first. Before he joins her, Isak walks over to Even’s side of the bed to give him a morning kiss.

“Next time it’s your turn again,” he mumbles against Even’s lips. Even simply gives a pleased hum in return as he hooks a finger in the collar of Isaks shirt to pull him into another sleepy kiss.

“I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too,” Isak says, tone a mixture between exasperation and fondness. “Now let me go so I can go bake some pancakes.”

A year ago, that’s not a sentence Isak ever thought he’d be saying at seven thirty in the morning. A year ago, Isak’s range of breakfasts was limited to muesli and yoghurt and various kinds of eggs, _burned_ definitely being one of them. Now, he isn’t gonna pretend he’s suddenly become a masterchef but pancakes have been a recent addition to his repertoire that he’s actually kind of proud of. Not in the least because they make him extra popular with a certain six-almost-seven-year-old.

“So,” he yawns, stretching his shoulders as he walks into the kitchen, “blueberry pancakes for you, madam?”

“Yes, sir,” she says, doing a soldier’s salute.

“Have you crossed today off your calendar yet?” he asks as he gets ingredients together and starts on the mixture.

“No!” She jumps up from where she was sitting on the kitchen table. “It’s gonna be my birthday in…” there’s a silence as she counts under her breath. “fifteen days!”

He watches as she meticulously crosses of the date from the self made calendar that’s hanging on the fridge at Hanna-height. There’s a lot of colourful confetti and stick figures with party hats around her birthday. He doesn’t think that in all the time he’s known her, he’s ever seen the fridge _without_ a self-made calendar.

For a while they work, Isak making pancake mixture and Hanna trying to untangle the knots in her hair with her bright yellow hair brush that Isak just handed her wordlessly.

“Can you braid?” she asks a couple of minutes later, holding out a hair.

“You know I can’t,” he reminds her patiently. “Remember when I messed up last time and there were knots everywhere and Even suggested we just cut all your hair off?”

“But you should practice! Mamma says practice makes perfect.”

“Your mamma is very smart and very right, but I still think you should wait for Even to do it. You can make me watch hair braid tutorials on youtube again later, okay?”

That seems to satisfy her.

It’s quiet for a while afterwards as Isak gets started on the pancakes and when he looks up, she’s sitting back at the kitchen table, her big basket of crayons and markers next to her, bent over a sheet of paper, a focussed little frown on her face.

“What are you working on?” he asks, flipping over a pancake.

“A list of people that I’m inviting for my birthday.”

He hums.

“You wanna know who’s on it?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, I wrote ‘em all down. First Isak - that’s you,” she adds. “Then pappa and mamma, then Lene and Finn from my class, then grandpa and grandma and other grandpa and grandma and Alf - he’s a dog - and then there’s going to be more people but I’m not sure who yet.”

“You, uh, you put me first?” Isak checks as he stacks pancakes on a plate, trying to fend of the smile he feels is taking over his face. He wonders if she notices the way his chest swells, but when he takes another peek at her, she bent over the list again with that concentrated look.

“Yep!” she says.

At that moment, Isak feels an arm wrap around his waist and a chin resting on his shoulder. He turns his head only to find Even already leaning into a kiss.

“I thought I was getting up so you could sleep in for a little longer,” Isak says as he turns his head to check on the pancake currently baking, though there’s no heat in his voice.

“It sounded like you two were having fun, I didn’t want to miss out,” Even mumbles against his hair, fingers spread across Isak’s stomach.

Isak hums, stacking another pancake.

They stand there together for a while and Isak revels in the warmth of Even at his back and the sound of Hanna drawing away in the background, the soft spring light slowly filling the rooms around them. By now, all the snow outside has melted.

There’s an ease that comes with all of this. The way he and Even move around each other smoothly as Even grabs plates and Isak leans to the side as he lets the last of the pancake mixture drip into the pan so Even can reach the drawer to get forks and knives. The way there’s a colour cutlery that is _his_ now (Even has the purple ones, Hanna the red and Isak the yellow).

“Hanna, pancakes,” he announces because these days he knows that’s the fastest way to get her to stop whatever she’s doing at the moment and focus.

“Invitation list?” Even asks as he sinks down in the chair between Isak and Hanna at the kitchen table, taking a peek at what she’d been drawing. “For your party?”

“Hmhm,” she says, mouth full of blueberry pancake.

“She put me first,” Isak says proudly.

“ _What_?” Even’s eyes widen comically as he looks from Isak to Hanna in mock-incredulity. Hanna giggles and Isak rolls his eyes at her with a grin when she looks at him. “I clothe you, I feed you for six years—”

Hanna swallows the bite of pancake quickly. “I’m almost seven. Only fifteen days!”

“For almost seven years and _this_ is what I get in return?”

“Isak makes me pancakes,” she points out.  “They’re with blueberries!”

“Yeah, Even, they’re with blueberries,” Isak grins, stupidly happy.

“Oh for— Can’t believe you two are ganging up on me now.”

“Just eat your pancakes.”

Isak hooks his feet around Even’s under the table and Even’s gaze softens a little. A watery but brave sun is streaming in from the window and it’s lighting everything up. Isak still really isn’t one for poetry but he wishes there was a way to capture the entirety of this moment.

He didn’t think this would be easy, and truthfully, sometimes it’s not. But even then he feels like he fits into this life. Like he fits into _their_ lives (and they fit into his). Last time Hanna brought a drawing home from school she told him she’d drawn of her, Even and Isak together, instead of freaking him out like it once would have, fireworks seemed to burst in his chest.

It’s a good feeling, belonging.

**Author's Note:**

> i know there's no real mazes in oslo but you know where there ARE mazes? au!oslo! 
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://minjard.tumblr.com) & twitter.


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